Our Need to Feel Special Can Drive Us to Gamble Excessively

Mental Wellness

When thinking about your mental wellness and disordered gambling it’s good to understand that some of our deeper human needs can lead us to turn to false sources to meet those needs. Our needs to be understood, to be close with another human being, to have pleasure, to be loved, to have meaning in our life, and to feel valued or special are basic needs for everyone.  We are not wrong or defective for having these needs.  Having these needs doesn’t make us weak; it is in fact the opposite – that those who haven’t given up on these needs are the people who are the strongest.

Self Remedying

When we are hurting, or believe ourselves to be lacking in any of these areas, we try to find ways to remedy the “lack.”  When our disappointments or even despair start to take over, we begin our quest for feeling special or loved, or to feel pleasure again.  That’s when any easily accessed source of pleasure or experience of feeling special can enter our lives and take over! We can also develop dysfunctional behavior patterns that attempt to satisfy the need to be special, as described by Dr. Margaret Paul’s article, “The Need to Be Special”.

Gambling and Mental Wellness

For purposes of this blog, I want to discuss gambling activity as a part of mental wellness.  I observe persons who won a larger sum of money who are then fueled to keep gambling.  Having a larger winning is a risk factor to develop disordered gambling. Why? Because they felt they must be special to have won the larger sum and are hoping to continue that feeling or belief!  Gambling becomes the solution to feeling unloved or not special.  Then, much more money is spent in going for another win, or more clearly, for the feeling of specialness.

Gambling and Feeling Special

Gambling establishments and apps and video games and even the local poker games are set up to make us feel special. Casino environments are inviting; apps and video games have bells and whistles to help us feel like we are winning even when we’re not. Being at the racetrack and a part of the excitement is another way of feeling special. A poker game among acquaintances or friends may hold the promise of camaraderie and being known as the skillful player. Additionally, the dopamine rush is often palpable, providing another powerful and exciting experience during gambling.  However, through time and experiencing loss after loss, we begin to feel less special again and begin chasing the feeling.  Gambling is no longer fun.  We grasp at earlier, and sometimes intermittent experiences of winning, trying to recover the feeling of being special; thus, denying that the source is unfaithful to us!

The solution?

It’s not clearcut and recovery is often a long winding road.  However, if we can recognize the ways we are special without gambling, then we can remove one of the powerful reinforcers to gambling.  If we recognize that gambling is an unfaithful means to achieving specialness and that we are special no matter our talents, money, possessions, relationships and circumstances, then we are on our way to health!

For more general information on addictions see the Cleveland Clinic website.

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