Turning Over a New Leaf

As we approach the New Year, it is a good time to evaluate our thinking and most of all, consider our actions. Many New Year’s resolutions focus on losing a few pounds or getting a better job, or maybe a personal fitness goal.

But could it be that we need an “alignment” instead?  New Year’s may be a good time to make sure we are in tune with our values, and in right relationships with others. When I looked up what the expression “Turning over a new leaf” means, these words came up: to start fresh, make a positive change in your behavior, or to change your attitude.  In the 16^th century, pages in a book were called leaves.  If someone turned the page onto a blank page, they were turning over a new leaf.  This can mean a lot of things to you, whether you need to make minor adjustments in your life, or maybe a more major one – such as addressing an addiction, or treating your partner better.

In case you cannot think of behaviors which may not have served you or others well in the past year, consider these questions:

1. Have I taken more than my share from a business, a person, or a situation?
2. Have I lied to someone with intent to get ahead or cover up my wrongdoing?
3. Have I lashed out with cutting words? Name calling?
4. Have I physically hurt someone else?
5. Have I spread rumors – not knowing if the information is true?
6. Have I used a substance or gambled or ate or shopped to excess?

Some of our behaviors hurt ourselves; some hurt others; some hurt our finances or possessions and some are even harmful to the earth.

Please note that inevitably we hurt others without intent to hurt. Sometimes we are unaware of how we are hurting ourselves or others. It’s a part of being human.  But in this blog, I am talking about intentional hurt.  We may dismiss our actions or explain them away.  There are many reasons we do hurtful things.  But until we face these behaviors squarely, we cannot correct them.

Here are some tips to correct our mistakes and start the New Year right!

1. Spend some time thinking about what you have done wrong. If you are unsure if you’ve done something wrong, it might help to have a discussion with someone else about it.
2. Look at your reasons for your wrongdoing. Was it wrong thinking? Do you believe you have the right to control another person, or you deserve to get more things? Do you feel threatened by another person or situation? Were you acting on primal impulse without thinking?  Do certain situations create more anger or excitement for you and make it more difficult to do the right thing?
3. Apologize if possible. Admitting your wrongdoing is very freeing, though it is very difficult initially.
4. Make amends where possible. If you posted something nasty on social media about someone, post a correction for example.
5. If you have gone through the previous steps and still keep thinking about over and over about your error, try to let go of your mistake. Forgive yourself.  Say to yourself – “I am correcting this mistake and I am a good human being.”

If you are having a problem managing your anger, managing your gambling, managing your substance abuse, hurting others, or lying about your behavior then consider that you have another chance to begin again – TODAY!  Turn over that new leaf, get yourself realigned, and connect again with the best you that you can be!

For those who are recovering from addictions and/or trauma, you might want to check out Lisa Najavits workbook, Finding Your Best Self.

If you want a supporter in your journey to start again, consider getting therapy.  Peopleworks offers counseling sessions for a variety of issues: anxiety, depression, stress, substance abuse and gambling, trauma.  If you are a person experiencing harms from gambling, then therapy is provided free of charge.  If you have other issues to address, we can bill most insurances and also offer a sliding scale for payment.