Managing the Overs

Mental Health Tidbits and Tools

When We’ve Over__________________________ (fill in the blank behavior)

Overdoing it! All of us know that feeling when we’ve overeaten.  Pants get too tight, you feel almost dizzy, the food feels like it’s piled up from your stomach almost up to your throat!

But what about all the other Overs we do?

This list includes alcohol, sweets, spending, sexing, gambling, working, using rituals, exercising, talking, drugs, social media, video games.  You can fill in the blank!

What’s happening when we get involved in the Overs (overdoing it)?

• We feel a lack of something – the primary culprit can be love. However, we can feel a lack of finances, lack of emotional support, lack of stimulation.
• We may be in a bad habit – the behavior feels soothing and familiar, at first
• We have the illusion of controlling something when we are feeling out of control or life is feeling out of control.
• We may be feeling hopeless, or helpless. I can’t get ahead (or lose weight, or find love or ease my pain) so I may as well give into this behavior.
• We may be engaged in self-sabotage. This may be a theme from our family of origin, or getting bullied in school or some trauma or abuse.
• We are avoiding our emotional or even physical pain.

There may be more reasons, and we may have a combination of any of these reasons.

What happens after we’ve done our Over?  Well, it’s similar to buyer’s remorse.  We buy something we think we’ll really like but then we get it home and suddenly it’s less shiny.  Suddenly we have less money.  Suddenly we have less energy. Suddenly we have less self-worth because we feel we’ve done something wrong.

How do we correct course and get to Right Amount? A Do-Over and Think-Over

1. Do a self assessment – what are your Overs?
2. Think about what circumstances lead you to the Overs?
3. Think about substitute behaviors when you want to do your Over. Then try one out.
4. Breathe and image yourself as being enough, having enough.
5. Breathe and image yourself as being enough, having enough. Yes, I said it twice.
6. Think about the meaning for your life. It gets you through the rough spots.
7. Get an accountability partner, or group that you trust who won’t scold but who will encourage you to be your best self.
8. And that leads to Finding Your Best Self by Lisa Najavits. A practical workbook!
9. Find a therapist or coach who can support you 1:1 in your journey.
10. Find more resources to help with overdoing it here.

You may have another strategy for your Overs.  Feel free to do your own Do-Over.  And then share the secret with others.